i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
