I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
