Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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