But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you had me at cake vodka
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
