so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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