I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
