Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
