Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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