let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just invented taco cereal.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
