What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
