i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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