i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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