If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
