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• (514): View more from Quebec

  I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass

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• (207): View more from Maine

  her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  then she stuck her tongue in my ass

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat

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• (214): View more from Texas

  My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.

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• (209): View more from California

  My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.

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