Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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