Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize