You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pants are for mortals
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
