Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
