Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
