not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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