uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my sisters under your porch take her home
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
