the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
