Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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