i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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