Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
