i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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