sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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