I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
