i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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