Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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