tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
