you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
