My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
