The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
