Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
