Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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