Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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