So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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