not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's rum buckets o'clock
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
