I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
