You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
