I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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