Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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