She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
