I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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