I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
