it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
