so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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