his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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