i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
