halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
