New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
