It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
