Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize