Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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