Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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