come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
God, I missed his penis.
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