There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
