The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
