I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
