You were right. It hurts to walk today.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
