it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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