you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
