You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
