We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
